GarageGabs

With all the hype over John Amaechi’s gayness I am starting to think there is a conspiracy behind all of this. Here is what I think went down.

*phone ringing* —–>
Tim: Who this?

John: Cheerio, I’m looking for Penny Hardaway?

Tim: Penny? Who is this? This is Timmy Hardaway fool, ya know, with the killer crossover! The UTEP 2 Step! Run TMC foool!

John: Oh, my mistake then. Well, maybe you can help me. I’m John Amaechi, remember me lovie?

Tim: Lovie? Man, whatever, yeah I remember you, wassup?

John: How do you feel about gay people?

Tim: Gay people? Man, what!? Men or women?

John: Well, just in general. Well, in the NBA in particular.

Tim: In general, well, ya know….I’m not gay man.

John: Ok, well that’s good, I was hoping you weren’t, otherwise your opinion doesn’t matter.

Tim: My opinion? What you want my opinion on.

John: Well, your NBA career is over correct?

Tim: Yeah. I still play though, just not in the league. I was doing some coaching…but the team got retracted..ya know..man, why!?
John: How would you like to get some press? You scratch my back and in turn I will scratch yours.

Tim: Dude, I told you……NOT GAY.

John: No, no silly goose. What I mean is this. See, I’ve got this book coming out, by ESPN books. It’s called “Man In The Middle” .

Tim: Uh huh, well I own a car wash, so what?

John: Well, I’m trying to drum up some press for me book. You see Penny, we want our pound of flesh. We as society. Give us our human sacrifice. I don’t care what you lose. I don’t care what you risk. You must fall on your sword for us to look at you…oh never mind! I’m getting carried away again! I’ve done a couple of interviews about it, but I just haven’t stirred up the level of enthusiasm needed. I was hoping you could help me stir up a little controversy.

Tim: Why me? Why you coming to me first.

John: Oh believe me, you were not tops on my list. I started with Michael Jordan, but he told me he preferred womanizing and gambling. James Worthy told me the same. I made my way down the list and came upon you. I remember you being very popular in the 90’s with that Lil’ Penny character.

Tim: Man, I done told you once……that’s Penny Hardaway. I’m Tim Hardaway! Anyway, so what you want me to do?

John: You’ve seen Jerry McGuire?

Tim: The movie? With the guy that believes in aliens?

John: Yes, Tom Cruise.

Tim: Yeah, I seen it. Good flick. I thought it did a wonderful job of showing the turmoil that professional athletes endure, both on and off the field. I would recommend it for any athlete that is having a hard time understanding the business side of sports.

John: Quite proper, but do you remember the line where Tom Cruise says “I love black people”?

Tim: Yeah, classic stuff. I doubt that fool loves black people though.

John: I’d like you to do the same, but reversed. I’d like you to say “you hate gay people”, but with the same reverence, you know?

Tim: You hate gay people!

John: No, no. I’d like you to do an interview. In the interview I want you to say that you hate gay people. It will get your name back out there. Probably get you a couple gigs. Land you lots of TV time. More importantly it will give me another opportunity to talk about my upcoming book.

Tim: Man, ya know, I dunno. That sounds sort of shady to me.

John: Oh come on man. It isn’t as if either of us were embraced by the NBA. Sure, you started well, but the way Shaq left you. I tried calling him as well you know. He decided to be a prankster the entire time. I can only imagine you have some animosity towards the league.

Tim: Ok, last time man. I am not Penny Hardaway. I am Tim Hardaway. I played for Golden State, with Mitch Richmond and Chris Mullin. They called us Run-TMC. I later went and played for Miami. You’re right though….a ring woulda been nice.

John: Exactly. Now you could get back out there, and get back at the NBA as well.

Tim: Ok, I’ll do it! What do I need to do!

John: I’ve got an interview set up with you and Dan LaBatard, of ESPN.

Tim: Yeah, cool cat.

John: Yes, it works perfectly see. ESPN published my book and now they are helping me hype it. Dan will make it a point to ask you how you feel about gay people at the end of the interview…to create a buzz. Just run with it mate.

Tim: I can do that.

John: Tally Ho then!

Tim: Who’s a ho? Man, you a trip.

John: Oh, that’s jolly well, I will be seeing you.

Tim: Alright, peace.

John: Ta ta for now.

*The above transcript is entirely fictional*

Hardaway’s comments cause stir (ESPN)

NBA Viewpoints Clash (John Amaechi on Mike & Mike today)

ESPN Loves How Tim Hardaway Hates Gay People (Aviator News 2.0)

Bid on the rights to TimHardawayIsGay.com

Tim Hardaway Responds:

Run TMC: Sorry about the Kemp thing at the beginning