GarageGabs

With all the hype over John Amaechi’s gayness I am starting to think there is a conspiracy behind all of this. Here is what I think went down.

*phone ringing* —–>
Tim: Who this?

John: Cheerio, I’m looking for Penny Hardaway?

Tim: Penny? Who is this? This is Timmy Hardaway fool, ya know, with the killer crossover! The UTEP 2 Step! Run TMC foool!

John: Oh, my mistake then. Well, maybe you can help me. I’m John Amaechi, remember me lovie?

Tim: Lovie? Man, whatever, yeah I remember you, wassup?

John: How do you feel about gay people?

Tim: Gay people? Man, what!? Men or women?

John: Well, just in general. Well, in the NBA in particular.

Tim: In general, well, ya know….I’m not gay man.

John: Ok, well that’s good, I was hoping you weren’t, otherwise your opinion doesn’t matter.

Tim: My opinion? What you want my opinion on.

John: Well, your NBA career is over correct?

Tim: Yeah. I still play though, just not in the league. I was doing some coaching…but the team got retracted..ya know..man, why!?
John: How would you like to get some press? You scratch my back and in turn I will scratch yours.

Tim: Dude, I told you……NOT GAY.

John: No, no silly goose. What I mean is this. See, I’ve got this book coming out, by ESPN books. It’s called “Man In The Middle” .

Tim: Uh huh, well I own a car wash, so what?

John: Well, I’m trying to drum up some press for me book. You see Penny, we want our pound of flesh. We as society. Give us our human sacrifice. I don’t care what you lose. I don’t care what you risk. You must fall on your sword for us to look at you…oh never mind! I’m getting carried away again! I’ve done a couple of interviews about it, but I just haven’t stirred up the level of enthusiasm needed. I was hoping you could help me stir up a little controversy.

Tim: Why me? Why you coming to me first.

John: Oh believe me, you were not tops on my list. I started with Michael Jordan, but he told me he preferred womanizing and gambling. James Worthy told me the same. I made my way down the list and came upon you. I remember you being very popular in the 90’s with that Lil’ Penny character.

Tim: Man, I done told you once……that’s Penny Hardaway. I’m Tim Hardaway! Anyway, so what you want me to do?

John: You’ve seen Jerry McGuire?

Tim: The movie? With the guy that believes in aliens?

John: Yes, Tom Cruise.

Tim: Yeah, I seen it. Good flick. I thought it did a wonderful job of showing the turmoil that professional athletes endure, both on and off the field. I would recommend it for any athlete that is having a hard time understanding the business side of sports.

John: Quite proper, but do you remember the line where Tom Cruise says “I love black people”?

Tim: Yeah, classic stuff. I doubt that fool loves black people though.

John: I’d like you to do the same, but reversed. I’d like you to say “you hate gay people”, but with the same reverence, you know?

Tim: You hate gay people!

John: No, no. I’d like you to do an interview. In the interview I want you to say that you hate gay people. It will get your name back out there. Probably get you a couple gigs. Land you lots of TV time. More importantly it will give me another opportunity to talk about my upcoming book.

Tim: Man, ya know, I dunno. That sounds sort of shady to me.

John: Oh come on man. It isn’t as if either of us were embraced by the NBA. Sure, you started well, but the way Shaq left you. I tried calling him as well you know. He decided to be a prankster the entire time. I can only imagine you have some animosity towards the league.

Tim: Ok, last time man. I am not Penny Hardaway. I am Tim Hardaway. I played for Golden State, with Mitch Richmond and Chris Mullin. They called us Run-TMC. I later went and played for Miami. You’re right though….a ring woulda been nice.

John: Exactly. Now you could get back out there, and get back at the NBA as well.

Tim: Ok, I’ll do it! What do I need to do!

John: I’ve got an interview set up with you and Dan LaBatard, of ESPN.

Tim: Yeah, cool cat.

John: Yes, it works perfectly see. ESPN published my book and now they are helping me hype it. Dan will make it a point to ask you how you feel about gay people at the end of the interview…to create a buzz. Just run with it mate.

Tim: I can do that.

John: Tally Ho then!

Tim: Who’s a ho? Man, you a trip.

John: Oh, that’s jolly well, I will be seeing you.

Tim: Alright, peace.

John: Ta ta for now.

*The above transcript is entirely fictional*

Hardaway’s comments cause stir (ESPN)

NBA Viewpoints Clash (John Amaechi on Mike & Mike today)

ESPN Loves How Tim Hardaway Hates Gay People (Aviator News 2.0)

Bid on the rights to TimHardawayIsGay.com

Tim Hardaway Responds:

Run TMC: Sorry about the Kemp thing at the beginning

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Tim Hardaway dropped what ESPN is calling a “bomb” in reference to gay people today while being interviewed by Dan LeBatard. Here is the conversation with all the “umms” and “ya knows” removed.
Lebatard: “How do you deal with a gay team mate?”

Hardaway: “First of all, I wouldn’t want them on my team. Seconnd of all, if he was on my team, I would really distance myself from him, because I dont’ think that’s right. And, I don’t think that he should be in the locker room while we in the locker room, and it’s just a whole lot of other things, so I wouldn’t even be a part of that. But, stuff like that is going on, and there is a whole lot of other people here like that, that’s still in the closet, and don’t wanna come out of the closet,but I just leave that alone.”

Lebatard: “You know that what you’re saying there though timmy is flatly homo phobic, it’s bigotry.”

Hardaway: “Well ya know, I hate gay people. So, I let it be known. I don’t like gay people, I don’t like to be around gay people. Yeah I’m homo phobic, I don’t like it, it shouldn’t be in the world today, or the united states, so yeah i don’t like it.”

In defense of Tim, at least he’s honest. I will say that I don’t hate gay people, but ESPN calling this a “bombshell” is a bit of an overstatement. Go figure, a heterosexual man hates gay people. Get outta here!? Have you ever been to church? Most Christian churches (at least the ones I have attended) act like gay people are incredibly evil and won’t allow their kids within sight of them. So now, this concept of a man hating other gay men is a shocker? Please. I don’t agree with Tim, but I respect him for being honest and straight forward. At least you know where he stands. I’m sure some gay rights group will call for Tim Hardaway to be imprisoned for his comments.

Hardaway Audio (ESPN.com)

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