GarageGabs

With all the hype over John Amaechi’s gayness I am starting to think there is a conspiracy behind all of this. Here is what I think went down.

*phone ringing* —–>
Tim: Who this?

John: Cheerio, I’m looking for Penny Hardaway?

Tim: Penny? Who is this? This is Timmy Hardaway fool, ya know, with the killer crossover! The UTEP 2 Step! Run TMC foool!

John: Oh, my mistake then. Well, maybe you can help me. I’m John Amaechi, remember me lovie?

Tim: Lovie? Man, whatever, yeah I remember you, wassup?

John: How do you feel about gay people?

Tim: Gay people? Man, what!? Men or women?

John: Well, just in general. Well, in the NBA in particular.

Tim: In general, well, ya know….I’m not gay man.

John: Ok, well that’s good, I was hoping you weren’t, otherwise your opinion doesn’t matter.

Tim: My opinion? What you want my opinion on.

John: Well, your NBA career is over correct?

Tim: Yeah. I still play though, just not in the league. I was doing some coaching…but the team got retracted..ya know..man, why!?
John: How would you like to get some press? You scratch my back and in turn I will scratch yours.

Tim: Dude, I told you……NOT GAY.

John: No, no silly goose. What I mean is this. See, I’ve got this book coming out, by ESPN books. It’s called “Man In The Middle” .

Tim: Uh huh, well I own a car wash, so what?

John: Well, I’m trying to drum up some press for me book. You see Penny, we want our pound of flesh. We as society. Give us our human sacrifice. I don’t care what you lose. I don’t care what you risk. You must fall on your sword for us to look at you…oh never mind! I’m getting carried away again! I’ve done a couple of interviews about it, but I just haven’t stirred up the level of enthusiasm needed. I was hoping you could help me stir up a little controversy.

Tim: Why me? Why you coming to me first.

John: Oh believe me, you were not tops on my list. I started with Michael Jordan, but he told me he preferred womanizing and gambling. James Worthy told me the same. I made my way down the list and came upon you. I remember you being very popular in the 90’s with that Lil’ Penny character.

Tim: Man, I done told you once……that’s Penny Hardaway. I’m Tim Hardaway! Anyway, so what you want me to do?

John: You’ve seen Jerry McGuire?

Tim: The movie? With the guy that believes in aliens?

John: Yes, Tom Cruise.

Tim: Yeah, I seen it. Good flick. I thought it did a wonderful job of showing the turmoil that professional athletes endure, both on and off the field. I would recommend it for any athlete that is having a hard time understanding the business side of sports.

John: Quite proper, but do you remember the line where Tom Cruise says “I love black people”?

Tim: Yeah, classic stuff. I doubt that fool loves black people though.

John: I’d like you to do the same, but reversed. I’d like you to say “you hate gay people”, but with the same reverence, you know?

Tim: You hate gay people!

John: No, no. I’d like you to do an interview. In the interview I want you to say that you hate gay people. It will get your name back out there. Probably get you a couple gigs. Land you lots of TV time. More importantly it will give me another opportunity to talk about my upcoming book.

Tim: Man, ya know, I dunno. That sounds sort of shady to me.

John: Oh come on man. It isn’t as if either of us were embraced by the NBA. Sure, you started well, but the way Shaq left you. I tried calling him as well you know. He decided to be a prankster the entire time. I can only imagine you have some animosity towards the league.

Tim: Ok, last time man. I am not Penny Hardaway. I am Tim Hardaway. I played for Golden State, with Mitch Richmond and Chris Mullin. They called us Run-TMC. I later went and played for Miami. You’re right though….a ring woulda been nice.

John: Exactly. Now you could get back out there, and get back at the NBA as well.

Tim: Ok, I’ll do it! What do I need to do!

John: I’ve got an interview set up with you and Dan LaBatard, of ESPN.

Tim: Yeah, cool cat.

John: Yes, it works perfectly see. ESPN published my book and now they are helping me hype it. Dan will make it a point to ask you how you feel about gay people at the end of the interview…to create a buzz. Just run with it mate.

Tim: I can do that.

John: Tally Ho then!

Tim: Who’s a ho? Man, you a trip.

John: Oh, that’s jolly well, I will be seeing you.

Tim: Alright, peace.

John: Ta ta for now.

*The above transcript is entirely fictional*

Hardaway’s comments cause stir (ESPN)

NBA Viewpoints Clash (John Amaechi on Mike & Mike today)

ESPN Loves How Tim Hardaway Hates Gay People (Aviator News 2.0)

Bid on the rights to TimHardawayIsGay.com

Tim Hardaway Responds:

Run TMC: Sorry about the Kemp thing at the beginning

I told you yesterday that I felt tonight would be the night that Boston broke their losing streak. Well, it happened. The Celtics FINALLY won a game, defeating Milwaukee 117-97 after losing 18 in a row.

I gotta think Paul Pierce had as much to do with this win, and the losing streak as anything. His return doesn’t make the Celtics a playoff team…but they can at least win one in three the rest of the way out.

Celtics end 18 game losing streak vs. Bucks (ESPN)

Elsewhere in the NBA, Jason Kidd has been replaced in the All Star Game by Joe Johnson.

San Antonio ended the Pistons win streak, 90-81.

Steve Nashless Phoenix loses again, this time to Seattle, 114-90.

Jazz continue to win without Boozer, beat Cavaliers, 99-98.

Tim Hardaway dropped what ESPN is calling a “bomb” in reference to gay people today while being interviewed by Dan LeBatard. Here is the conversation with all the “umms” and “ya knows” removed.
Lebatard: “How do you deal with a gay team mate?”

Hardaway: “First of all, I wouldn’t want them on my team. Seconnd of all, if he was on my team, I would really distance myself from him, because I dont’ think that’s right. And, I don’t think that he should be in the locker room while we in the locker room, and it’s just a whole lot of other things, so I wouldn’t even be a part of that. But, stuff like that is going on, and there is a whole lot of other people here like that, that’s still in the closet, and don’t wanna come out of the closet,but I just leave that alone.”

Lebatard: “You know that what you’re saying there though timmy is flatly homo phobic, it’s bigotry.”

Hardaway: “Well ya know, I hate gay people. So, I let it be known. I don’t like gay people, I don’t like to be around gay people. Yeah I’m homo phobic, I don’t like it, it shouldn’t be in the world today, or the united states, so yeah i don’t like it.”

In defense of Tim, at least he’s honest. I will say that I don’t hate gay people, but ESPN calling this a “bombshell” is a bit of an overstatement. Go figure, a heterosexual man hates gay people. Get outta here!? Have you ever been to church? Most Christian churches (at least the ones I have attended) act like gay people are incredibly evil and won’t allow their kids within sight of them. So now, this concept of a man hating other gay men is a shocker? Please. I don’t agree with Tim, but I respect him for being honest and straight forward. At least you know where he stands. I’m sure some gay rights group will call for Tim Hardaway to be imprisoned for his comments.

Hardaway Audio (ESPN.com)

We are only a few days away from NBA “All Star Weekend” and I am yet again playing Mike in a shortened week in our fantasy basketball league. Somehow, he and I face each other during All Star Weekend every year.

Anyway, here’s a look at the NBA at the somewhat halfway point and a preview of this weekends all star attractions.

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Often times when I take a couple days off from posting, I return with little to no inspiration.  That happened to me this weekend as well.  I searched Sirius radio on the long ride home yesterday for inspiration, and found little.  In fact, I ended up spending most of the trip listening to talk radio go on and on about Anna Nicole Smith.

I got home and still…no inspiration.  Carolina had trounced Weak Forest , on a day that was understandably special to their fan base…but wasn’t all that special to me.

UNC Reunion Photo Album  (InsideCarolina.com)

I flipped to find my beloved Wolfpack getting out rebounded, out hustled, and beaten…by Miami, the worst team in the ACC.

Ho-hum, the Pro-Bowl was on…I didn’t watch a single second of it.  My fiancee and I settled in to watch a few of her shows that she had DVR’d.  I’m talking shows like “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” .  I’ll be honest, while Ellen provides no inspiration for blogging, I generally don’t mind her show.  She’s entertaining, somewhat funny, has good guests (often hot women) and unlike Rosie O’Donnell on “The View” she doesn’t find the need to constantly obsess over her being a lesbian.  Speaking of Rosie, while I know none of the rest of us were all that broken up over the death of Anna Nicole, check out her comments about Anna Nicole Smith just hours before she died:

Honestly, Rosie didn’t say anything the rest of us didn’t already think but talk about bad timing!  Wow!

Anyway, I got a little off track.  Maybe I break “man code” by watching these shows, but I generally enjoy them.

Back to my lack of inspiration.  After moping on the couch for a couple of hours, we decided to go check out Eddie Murphy’s new movie “Norbit”.   If you like funny movies, and aren’t offended by race, sex, or weight jokes, you’ll love this movie.  We both enjoyed it a lot.  Ate a lot of popcorn, laughed and then came back home.  I don’t even remember falling to sleep last night.  Still no inspiration.

I woke up this morning and found my inspiration.  How?  I did what I normally do on a lazy Sunday.   I made a visit to the rest-room.  And there it was!  My inspiration….something/someone for me to write about.  Something I was interested in, that pertained to sports!!

That something or someone was Dwight Howard, ESPN’s “NEXT” athlete for 2007….and he was in my bathroom!  How could I have missed this!?  You really have no idea how much inspiration I get while in the john.  I do most of my reading in there.  I get ideas.  I think.  It’s quiet, I’m not disturbed.  It’s an amazing place to brain storm.

Anyway, I had been following Howard’s career ever since I snagged him off the waiver wire early in his rookie season.  His 12 points and 10 boards, along with 50+% shooting, and 1.7 blocks per game helped team “Tony Montana” win the Grandmaster Flash league.  The first of my back to back Fantasy Basketball Championships.

The kid was Amare Stoudemire raw.  6-11, 265 pounds, straight out of high school, beast.

Fast forward to present day.   Howard has now come into his own.  He’s dropping 17 and 12 per night, while shooting nearly 60% from the field!!  He and Stoudemire are redefining the center position.  No longer is height the only asset.  No more tall, lumbering, strictly post-up guys barely making it up and down the court.  Howard is a pure athlete, in a sculpted body.  Cat quick, with the ability to attack the rim…not only with power…but with speed.  The kicker?  He’s 21 years old!

Wanna see an incredible stat line?  Check out Howard’s numbers from a January 10th win over Golden State:  44 minutes, 11 of 18 from the field, 8 of 15 from the line, 25 boards, (9 offensive) 2 steals, 1 block, 30 points.  He’s the youngest player in history to accumulate 20 points and 20 boards in the same game….He’s done it 6 times now, 4 in this season alone!  Beast.

I chose to write about Howard because I want to write about the future, today.   I’m not sure when, but at some point Howard is going to be leading his team to great things.

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By the way, before I finish up.  Howard (64,477 votes) did have some competition in “ESPN The Magazine”.  Calvin Johnson (62,427), Evgeni Malkin (49,668),  Jose’ Reyes (38,504), and Juan Pablo Montoya (12,758).

Malkin: (One of the best hockey goals you’ll ever see)

Montoya Burnout

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In case you missed it, Jamal Crawford went for 52 points Friday night. Crawford became the 6th player this season to accomplish the feat, but I have to say his was the most impressive 52 points I have seen in quite some time. Most 50+ point games include a heap of free throws, but Crawford was only 4-4 from the free throw line. Crawford was 20-30 from the field, 8-10 from 3 point range, and made SIXTEEN consecutive shots. His makes included every variety of shot you can imagine, floaters, contested 3 pointers, drives to the basket, fall aways, he did it all.

Crawford continues to agonize fantasy basketball players as he is a career 13.5 ppg scorer but on occasion pulls out a gem like last night. He had two 40+ games last year.

A really great night in the NBA tonight-

Phoenix notched their 2nd 15 game win streak of the year with a 112-107 win over the Knicks. 

Miami got Shaq back, but still lost in OT to the revamped Pacers, 96-94.  Shaq only played 14 minutes and scored just 5 points on 2 of 6 shooting.  Hey, he still outscored Gary Payton!  The Pacers were lead by *cough* Troy Murphy’s 17 points and 12 boards.

Philadelphia moved to 8-12 without the “answer” after beating Cleveland 118-115 in double OT.  Philly put 6 guys in double figures including Rodney Carney with 18….WHO!?

Don’t look now, but Houston is hanging around in the West, despite the injury to Yao Ming.  Tonight Houston toppled West power San Antonio 90-85,  thanks to 37 points from T-Mac.  Tim Duncan was a beast in a losing effort with 37 points and 10 boards.

Paul Gasol wants to be traded and he really showed his value tonight.  Gasol put up 17 points, 13 boards, 12 assists and 2 blocks as Memphis upset Utah, 132-130 in OT.   This game was fantasy heaven as several players had monster nights:  Chucky Atkins 29 points, 15 assists, 6-10 3 pointers;  Carlos Boozer 39 points and 15 rebounds (on 18-24 shooting!); Mehmet Okur 27 points, 11 boards, 2 blocks, 5-7 from three; Deron Williams 7 points, 21 assists; and even Andre Kirilenko got on track with 18 points, 12 boards and 3 blocks.  This had to be a fun game to watch.

Sacramento got 36 points from Ron Artest to offset 36 points from Earl Boykins, to beat the Bucks, 114-106.

NBA Scoreboard  (ESPN)

Fantasy Basketball fills a definite void for many of us….it’s that time in between football and baseball, when you can just have a little fun with fantasy. Well, that doesn’t go for all of us. Personally, I take fantasy basketball pretty seriously. Pretty seriously being that I show up for the draft, edit my roster daily, and even on occasion I will drop a player who I find out is injured. Not a huge amount of dedication is required to achieve these goals.

My friend Mike however, he is a different creature. Mike, like myself is a fantasy veteran. He takes every league seriously. He takes basketball VERY seriously. Over the years, Mike has developed sort of a reputation in fantasy basketball….he’s the guy that ends up with injured players….and he’s cursed.
Let’s do a quick review:

Last year Mike had the honor of owning the following players on his team called “Death Row”- (A fitting name for much of his squad) Shaquille Oneal, Manu Ginobili, Ron Artest, Emeka Okafor, Carlos Boozer, and Kenyon Martin. Mike proclaimed early in the year that Ron Artest was the steal of the draft (4th round pick) and could very likely win the MVP award. A bold proclamation, but Mike is not one to send mixed signals. Anyone that knows anything about the NBA, knows that the group of players I listed had somewhat of a tough time last year:

Oneal: Shaq’s career took a turn for the worse last season (despite a 4th NBA Championship) as he played in only 59 games, averaging a career low 20 ppg.

Ginobili: Coming off a fantastic NBA playoff and finals performance, Ginobili was bugged by injuries all year, missing 17 games and never blossoming into the player it looked like he was becoming. He seems to be back on track this season, go figure.

Ron Artest: Mike’s MVP pick played only 16 games for Indiana before being benched(He said he’d rather rap than play ball) as they tried to trade him. He eventually would end up in Sacramento, but of course, Mike had given up on him long before he got back to playing.

Carlos Boozer: Boozer “aggravated his hamstring” early in the year causing him to miss most of the first half of the season. Again, Mike didn’t have the resources to hang onto Boozer, so he had to drop him. I picked him up upon his comeback and rode his 16 & 9 to a championship.

Emeka Okafor: Missed 56 games due to injury.

Kenyon Martin: Missed 26 games due to injury and was as likely to get a DNPCD as any 12th man in the league.

In summary, just these 6 players missed 197 games, and were hobbled in many of the games they did play in. And you thought there was a Madden Curse.
Mike never gave up though. He hung on to several of these guys early, but eventually started working the waiver wires. Mike ended up making a league high 180 moves,(the next closest was 66) and made it into the playoffs where he was one and done as the 6th and last seed. Quite an accomplishment for someone that seemed cursed.

Mike learned a lot from last year. He came into this years draft refreshed, wiser, and ready to make a bigger fantasy impact. With the 6th pick in an 8 team draft, Mike was poised to prove that there was no “Newman Curse”. He snagged last years Mr. Everything, Elton Brand with his 1st pick…..Allen Iverson with his 2nd…..Andre Kirilenko with his 3rd…. Gerald Wallace in the 5th, and sleeper Marvin Williams in the 9th. This of course, wasn’t his entire draft, I just mention these guys because they stand out in a certain way.

Which way you might ask?

In the “Newman Curse” way.

Elton Brand? He’s not having a “bad” year, but compared to what he did last year, Brand is average. He’s down in every category, across the board, most importantly, scoring which is down nearly 4 points. “Newman Curse”

Allen Iverson? Statistically he’s having a fine year; if you don’t count the 6 consecutive games he missed while the Sixers decided what to do with him. Six games is no big deal right? It is when you are dealing with your 2nd round pick, and leading scorer.

Andre Kirilenko? Missed 5 games due to injury and is currently mired in the worse slump of his career. Jerry Sloan has even spoke of no longer starting AK-47 due to lack of production. He can now currently be had on our waiver wire. “Newman Curse”

Gerald Wallace? Hasn’t played in 2 weeks due to a bum shoulder and was severely limited early in the season due to a multitude of injuries. “Newman Curse”

Marvin Williams? Mike’s super sleeper (I agreed with him) missed the first 17 games of the season due to injury. “Newman Curse”

Mike has fought through the adversity of his own personal curse with diligence to to this point in the season. He’s currently sitting in 4th place, at 79-69-2 and easily leads the league in roster moves with 63. (the next closest is a whopping 10)

The Newman Curse keeps finding strange ways to sneak in and bite Mike though, the most recent was in the case of J.R. Smith. On December 11th, Mike dropped an injury prone Gerald Wallace, and Udonis Haslem to aquire J.R. Smith and Jarrett Jack. Jack is now on the injury list due to a concussion. More interesting, J.R. Smith would play just 4 games in a Food Stamps uniform before being suspended 10 games for his role in the Nuggets/Knicks brawl on December 16th. You can’t tell me there isn’t something to this curse.

What I’d like to know is how Tony Allen never found his way onto Mike’s roster?

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I was cruising around FanHouse and found a some very nice youtube videos linked.  Inspired me to do a little searching of my own as well….so here ya go:

Lebron from over 3/4 court  (I believe this was Wednesday night)

Best Damn Sports Show Top 50 dunks:  50-21    20-1  Time warning:  Both of these are fairly long- Some of my personal favorites from the list are Kevin Johnson at 14, John Starks at 8, and Tom Chambers at 6.

Jordan dunks on Maryland- An oldy but goody

Len Bias Steals on UNC 

Larry Bird- The guy was amazing

It’s early January, and unlike many people I care about the NBA.  Not in a motherly love type way, I’m just saying I enjoy watching the NBA every chance I get.  I especially like watching some of the younger, run and gun teams get out and play.  I don’t care for this Pat Riley situation and the stir it is causing…..or not causing for that matter.  I can’t believe more people aren’t pointing out the convenience of Pat Riley’s departure….or at least spinning it.
Remember, it was just over a year ago that Riley (who also happens to be Heat president) decided to replace Stan Van Gundy with none other than himself as the Miami Heat head coach.   It’s important to remember that Van Gundy had taken the Heat to the finals the year before, only to lose a game 7 to the Detroit Pistons without Dwayne Wade and Shaquille Oneal.  At the time Gundy left to “spend time with his family” (yeah right) he had the Heat at 11-10, and was just getting Shaq into the lineup.  (Oneal had played just three games)  It was a strange time to have a coach removed.  My friend Mac would later scoff at the move mentioning that Riley wished to hog the Heat championship spotlight for himself….in short, Mac felt Riley hopped aboard the Heat bandwagon at a VERY convenient time.  In fact, many speculated that it wasn’t some passion for coaching that brought Riley back, but a more prominent Miami Heat team.  Riley loves to be in the spotlight was the theory.
The Heat continued to win after Riley took over, rolling all the way to the NBA Finals where Dwayne Wade willed them to a Championship.  Funny, I never heard one thing about Riley’s knee during that time, but then again, I didn’t even know he had knees.  It just wasn’t a story.  Riley stepped in and saved a team that couldn’t find itself, and led them to a Championship.

WHATEVER!

Now, with the Heat stuck at 13-18, and an injured Shaq and Wade, Riley is taking a “leave of absence” to have his knee fixed.  He can’t bear the pain and meds anymore he says.  Give me a break!  Dude can’t stand losing is the problem.  He’s going to step away and you’ll see him back if and when the Heat get good again.  What’s good again?  Shaq and Wade in the lineup is good again.  I give this situation a little over a month.  This is the Eastern Conference…all the Heat have to do is get that combo to the playoffs for a legitimate chance at a Finals run.

I’m sure Riley’s knee really is bothering him.  It’s just a little too convenient for me that he decides to take the time off now.  Not only are the Heat injury riddled, but Nick Saban is stealing all headlines from Riley.  It really doesn’t matter.  It’s not as if anything Riley does will make or break this team.  I’m sure if the Heat were #1 in the East right now Riley could coach through the pain.  Now he has another chance to set himself up as savior.  In a few weeks the Heat will be picking up stride.  Around that same time Pat Riley will return to the bench.  They’ll play good basketball down the stretch and make the playoffs thanks to the old ball coach.  What a gamer!

ESPN Pat Riley Poll